I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize