you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
