I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I deserve this hangover.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
