i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
