did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
