Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
