my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
