her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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