Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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