Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
