First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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