WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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