I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
