i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
