She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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