No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
