my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
