im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
