I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
we should paint friendship bongs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
