That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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