checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The best revenge is premature balding
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
