Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
