Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
