So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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