I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Drake has all the answers
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
