If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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