It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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