Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
