What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
