Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
