he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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