I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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