Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
