Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
