There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
