btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
