4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her vagine was all disorganized.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
