you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
