I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
