I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
