Please, let me fuck your mom
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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