I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
