She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
