if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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