when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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