im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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