this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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