im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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