Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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