ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
