he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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