how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
