To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
