This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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