I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
