Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
