Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
