She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize