Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
