i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
