This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The adults are the big ones right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
