im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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