I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
