: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
