I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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