I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
