I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
