You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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