Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my shit smells like andre
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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