You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
