PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
