i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
