My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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