how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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